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Smells Like Christmas Spirit

December 6, 2012


Ah, Christmas! There’s no time like Christmas Time. There’s no cheer like Christmas cheer. There are no Bloody Marys like Christmas Bloody Marys. There’s no glitter-induced anxiety like Christmas glitter-induced anxiety. This time of year always gets me thinking about the things that matter most, like family, friends, presents, parties, alcohol, cold-weather attire, presents, eating gluttonous amounts of food, days off from work, wondering if it will finally snow (or be 70 degrees like it was last year), leg warmers, presents, holiday specials, presents, watching It’s A Wonderful Life on television and remembering back when I played Zuzu Bailey in the JJP production (97? 98?) and was awarded Most Promising Performer, thank you very much (“Every time a bell rings, a motherfucking angel gets its wings!”), and presents.

ImageIt is my understanding that this holiday is about showing people that you acknowledge their existence by giving them presents. Usually the price and thought behind these presents vary in degree according to how much you like/want to impress its recipient. For example, I am a horrible gift picker-outer for my friends, so I usually end up baking stuff for them. It may not seem like much, but I think they appreciate it for the time and care I put into each confection, and also it’s edible and delicious (you’re welcome). My sisters, on the other hand, are incredibly easy for me to find gifts for. The problem is I don’t want to spend


too much money on them, mostly because I don’t want to overdo it and I like saving my money so I can buy things for myself. Gift giving is incredibly difficult for those of us that want to make sure we’re not wasting our money to get you something you don’t particularly want. There’s nothing worse than getting that half-assed, “Oh, thank you, Grandma! I’ll add this frog figurine to the hoard of other frog things that you obviously decided I needed to start collecting since you give them to me every single year.”

ImageI think the problem lies in communication. People try to be all coy about what they want: “Oh, it doesn’t matter. I’m sure I’ll love anything you get me.” Not true. Instead of trying to seem all nonchalant and accepting, why don’t you actually be helpful and tell me what the hell you want! And don’t give that bullshit about it not meaning anything if I don’t pick it out myself. How about I get you a hand grenade and a toilet plunger? That means I love you, right?

So, every year since I was old enough to properly format documents on a word processor, I have typed out a list of the things I want for Christmas. My mom asks for it, so I make it. And since day 1, it has always started with a Grand Piano and some type of car (priorities). As I get older, the list becomes grander. And I’m always very descriptive. At first, I just used names and pictures of the things I wanted. Then I started getting a little more detailed; I began adding item numbers, ISBNs, hyperlinks, etc.

ImageThis year, I decided to strictly use hyperlinks since it saves much needed space (quantity is key). Most of the items will need to be purchased online anyway, so I might as well take the reader straight to business. I try to make it as user-friendly as possible. There’s a precise art to Christmas List making.

I just finished the third update of my list, so I think I might as well share it here. Be sure to take notes.

Merry Christmas to me!


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