Another Text Conversation: Immortality and Dragons

I want a Night Fury.

Okay, so I know lots of cool people. I’m not really that big of a talker in the real world, but in the text messaging world, I guess I just have unusually stimulating conversations with people sometimes. Presented here is a fantastic conversation I had with my friend Henry a while back. I’m pretty sure we’re on to something…

Henry: I think if I were immortal, I would breed elephants.

Anna: Why elephants? Maybe you could get them to be as big as oliphaunts! I would breed dragons.

Henry: What base animal would you start with for dragons? I was thinking about that too.

Anna: I dunno. I think it would be easier to eventually turn a bird into a reptile than give a reptile flight, but I wouldn’t want them to be birdlike dragons. Maybe I could perfect gene splicing and create one from both. I love alligators. I would want to work with alligators.

Henry: I was thinking gators, or komodo dragons. I’m more into giant agile lizards than flying lizards. Though you could probably get flying something like a dragon from birds. Still, they’d be…beaky.

Anna: I don’t know, now I’m thinking about lulling people into a calm with a pretty hummingbird. Then, BAM! Cheeseburger.

Henry: Oh man, I need a cheeseburger as if I were suddenly struck with an uncontrollable cheeseburger craving.

Anna: Yes! But I don’t want a beaky dragon. And I want to fly on a dragon. Wings are a necessity. I would want them to breathe fire too. I want one of those cheeseburgers that melt in your mouth with deliciousness and grease.

Henry: The breathing fire thing is gonna be the hardest. As far as I know, nature hasn’t really given that much thought. Discovery channel proposed something like dragons could have eaten some rock (sulfur maybe? Iono.) to fuel their fire breath.

Anna: Maybe they could just have a gland that spurts flammable gas and then some sort of striker on their tongue or in their throat to spark it.

Henry: Yeah. Living flamethrower. Not gas. Flammable liquid goes so much further and does more damage, plus the target will continue to burn. Dragons enjoy cooked meat. I bet you could eventually make an alligator fly.

Anna: That would be awesome! Liquid would be better. What would you do with your elephants?

Henry: Breed ‘em real big and real smart so when they get hurt, they don’t go rampaging on my own army. I assume if I’m immortal eventually a catastrophe sends the world back to the dark ages. Then the guy with the elephant army controls things. Also have ‘em be very long-lived and highly fertile. We’ll need a lot. And whatever happened to mammoths? I’ll need them to caravan across Antarctica to my ice fortress.

Anna: …Don’t worry, you will have the support of my dragon army.

Henry: You control the skies, I got land. But what about the seas?

Anna: Hmmm… It would be really cool to breed a shark army, but I may be too busy perfecting my dragons. Who wants to control the seas?

Henry: We’re gonna need water dragons.

Anna: I suppose I could work that out. I feel like I’d be too powerful though. The Greeks had a god for each.

Henry: Just breed super smart dragons to patrol the seas. Also, bringing back giant turtles is always a good idea. Especially if they can hold fortresses on their backs.

Anna: Oh my goodness! I’d have a fortress on the back of a giant turtle that swam in the middle of the ocean. You could only get there by way of riding a dragon (because if you came by boat, it’d be destroyed by the vicious sea dragons – they delve too deeply into the dark places of the earth, thus becoming tainted by the darkness). No one could attack my fortress on dragons either because all the dragons would be born with an inherited loyalty to their creator (i.e. Me), even the evil water dragons, which is why they wouldn’t ever attack my fortress.

Henry: My space elephants are gonna piss everyone off…

(edited for content)

So, yeah. As soon as I find that Philosopher’s Stone, I’m breeding dragons.

Oh! And don’t forget! How To Train Your Dragon comes out on DVD and Blu-ray on October 15, 2010! Who wants a sneak peek?